by Joyce Kyles | Nov 23, 2015 | Blog
Life is full of adversities. For some, it’s domestic violence. For others, it may be poverty, illness or financial instability. And while each one is not unique on the surface, it is unique in how it affects your life and those around you. What I have learned is that no matter what life brings your way, you must find a way to still get up and keep going. You must find a way to show up and be present. Time will not wait. Life will continue to go forward and doesn’t stop because you’re going through crisis.
So, how do you show up? How do you keep going when it’s so much easier at times to just give up and give in? You ask for help. You put pride aside. You find a ‘why’ and stay focused on it. You stop worrying about what other people think. Ask yourself if other people’s thoughts are paying your bills, taking you to work, putting food in your refrigerator or encouraging you to give this day the best that you have to offer. Has pride put you in touch with health clinics and support groups who may offer assistance with the necessary treatment you need? Chances are, it hasn’t. Be clear about what you need and understand that faith without works is dead. Your ‘why’ has to be bigger than your unknown fear of failure. You have to have a confidence in your ‘why’ that is so strong that it propels you to work hard and smart.
Each day, we must do our very best to show up and do what we need to do in our personal and professional lives. Some days are easier than others. The key is in the mindset. Sometimes our physical health prohibits us from movement, but we must keep our minds strong. We must stay connected to positive people, music and literature. We must speak a positive affirmation over our lives daily and create tangible items that will keep us focused. It may be a vision board, keeping a journal or a computer/phone screen saver. Move away from social media a bit and show up in other platforms that may be more encouraging and engaging. Pray, meditate and concentrate daily. Be intentional in your plans to show up and make it a great day.
by Joyce Kyles | Mar 3, 2013 | Pamper & Support Day, Speaking Appearances, Walking In to A New Life
I was one of two speakers to present at Ashes2Beauty, Inc’s first Day of Pampering Event. Kelley Alsobrook, pictured, is the Founder of Ashes2Beauty, Inc and it was her vision to provide women who’ve suffered abuse in any form to experience a complete day of pampering. This included manicures, hair design, make up artistry, before and after photos, food and fellowship. Megan Mottley, Author of The Glamour Girl Movement, gave a wonderful presentation on embracing your inner and outer beauty. Yolanda Gates (Quiet Storm) delivered a very moving spoken word piece. Kudos to Tiffany Smith-Cook, her glamour team and to every person who volunteered their time and talents.
I shared my insights as a survivor and advocate, offering words of encouragement and support to the attendees. My goal was to share with them that no matter where they may be in their situation (still in it, thinking of leaving or already gone) there’s hope, safety and tangible resources available. The road to transition is not an easy one, but it is attainable. I do not measure my survival success in terms of dollars, but in my determination to take each day as it comes, knowing that every day will not be an easy day, but each day has hope and promise.
by Joyce Kyles | Feb 13, 2013 | Radio Appearance, Walking In to A New Life
I had the wonderful privilege to be a guest on WDIA’s Bev Johnson Show. One of the things that I appreciate most about this experience is the way that Ms. Johnson allowed us to speak openly and freely about domestic violence. It wasn’t a sugar coated interview, meaning, it wasn’t one filled with standard questions and feel good answers. We talked about my life, my experiences as a victim and how those experiences have impacted my life as a survivor and advocate.
I appreciate those that called in and shared their stories and asked some rather in depth questions. A couple of them were a bit harder to answer than others, only because I am human, and while I am comfortable with my decision to discuss this subject and my experiences in particular, it can still be touch a spot that still holds some hurt, embarrassment and yes, sometimes even anger. Nonetheless, every question and comment was addressed with honesty and transparency. It also provided some great topics of discussion for future blogs.
What I gathered from the the interview is that 1, there are a lot of people in this city, both male and female that are hurting as a result of domestic violence on some level; 2, I realize now more than ever that I am not alone in my experiences; 3, Walking Into A New Life, Inc. is moving in the right direction with its mission statement to stop domestic violence and help stabilize victims using education and microenterprise development; and 4, I know that people love and respect me for who I am and what I’m doing. When I started this journey, I was very reluctant to share many parts of myself because while many people speculated, not everyone knew the depths of my hurt, my embarrassment, my like of resources or self esteem. What I’ve found is love, refuge, kindness and respect. I’ve been called brave, motivational and inspiring; all words that I would not have even fathomed people using to describe me a few years ago. What I truly am is humbled, grateful and encouraged. I have learned so much from so many, with my children being at the top of the list. I am inspired by their resiliency, despite all we’ve been through, and it makes me proud.
Again, it is truly an honor to have been on Ms. Johnson’s show today. Kudos to her for wanting to address this issue in such a candid and professional way.
by Joyce Kyles | Feb 9, 2013 | Pamper & Support Day, Speaking Appearances, Walking In to A New Life
WIANL, Inc., in collaboration with The Circle of Inspiration, celebrated it’s 1yr anniversary of Pamper and Support Day on Saturday, February 9, 2013. Victims, survivors and advocates all enjoyed an afternoon of open, honest discussion about domestic violence, where we are in our walk and goals for healing and positive transition. In addition to the normal support group session, attendees participated in a symbolic balloon release at the conclusion of the event, having written on the balloons all of the negative/hurting/things that we wanted to ‘release’ from our lives.
After the balloon release, participants were able to partake of various foods and beverages and given Mary Kay gift bags. They were led to a separate room where stations of clothes, shoes, accessories and toiletries were available for them to take home. Haircare products, diapers and baby wipes were also available.
Pamper and Support Day was established a year ago in an effort to give victims and survivors an opportunity to relax, share experiences and be catered to, and to receive tangible basic necessities so often needed when dealing with domestic violence. Many times, victims are encouraged to leave, but not given the tools needed to do so. Pamper and Support Day is our way of providing some relief to the emotional and financial struggles that victims and survivors often face when making decisions about their situation and their ability to transition from victim to victorious.
Life is full of adversities. For some, it’s domestic violence. For others, it may be poverty, illness or financial instability. And while each one is not unique on the surface, it is unique in how it affects your life and those around you. What I have learned is that no matter what life brings your way, you must find a way to still get up and keep going. You must find a way to show up and be present. Time will not wait. Life will continue to go forward and doesn’t stop because you’re going through crisis.