Last week, I had the opportunity to speak multiple nights for Family Vacation Bible School which was hosted by Nigerian Seventh Day Adventist Church in Lithonia, GA. The organizers were very intentional about wanting to make sure parents were given information on a variety of subjects. Financial literacy, nutrition and healthy relationships were among the topics discussed. I am glad to have had the opportunity to discuss children and safety one night and domestic violence a 2nd night.
It is very important to me that we address child sexual abuse and molestation with our children as well as domestic violence at an early age. I’ve discussed both topics a number of times in church settings. However, this was the first time I’ve ever done it at a vacation bible school, and I think it’s great! Many of our communities are saturated with places of worship. I truly believe it’s a perfect place and opportunity for awareness, education and support. The parents were interactive and asked a lot of questions. Each time I’m able to present is an honor, and I’m extremely grateful to everyone responsible for having me attend what was an outstanding vacation bible school for the children as well as the parents.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at a monthly forum called The Mental Discussion. Hosted by Mental Health Therapist Brandy Flynn, the purpose is to bring community awareness on issues related to mental health as well as the various intersections. This month, she wanted to address the intersections between mental health and domestic violence.
While I touched on several points, the most significant one I want to share in this blog is that of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. As described by the US Dept of Veteran Affairs, PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after a traumatic event such as war, assault or disaster. So often, many of us only think of PTSD as a condition exclusive to war veterans. Before I had a true understanding of PTSD, I made the same assumption. As I began to learn more about myself on the survivor’s side of abuse, I realized that there were certain images made me nervous to the point of hand tremors and even insomnia. There are certain movies I cannot watch and conversations for which I cannot participate. I used to think that something was wrong with me. I mean, after all, it’s just a movie or it’s just a conversation. I believed that I needed to just accept that and get over it.
PTSD is very real for anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience. It becomes active when a person is exposed to certain triggers. They are different for everyone. For some, it may be gunfire which reminds them of a traumatic experience in their lives. For others, it may be a particular genre of music. It’s important to let your doctor or counselor know if you think you may be suffering from PTSD. They will be able to discuss the signs and options for help.
April is recognized nationally as sexual assault awareness month, aka S.A.A.M. Throughout the month, I will be participating in a number of activities in support of the month, but it’s also quite personal for me. One of the worst experiences of my life was being sexually assaulted by someone that I loved. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that sexual assault/abuse within intimate relationships is common and often not reported, mainly because it is an intimate partner. Being in a relationship is not consent for abuse in any form. Rape is rape. Abuse is abuse. The relationship status isn’t a pass to mistreat another individual.
April 10th marks the anniversary of when I shared my experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault in a public setting. I’d talked about it to some degree with a person here and there, but I decided to go public with it at the Young Women of Excellence program for which I was a chairperson. At the time of my presentation, I wasn’t aware that April was a month of any particular meaning. I just felt that it was the perfect opportunity to share with the women in the audience about my experiences. My hope was that those mothers would hear what I had to say, think about what may be going on in their own lives or the lives of someone they knew, and have the courage to talk about it and of course, leave.
I never thought about what I’d do or how I’d feel after the event was over. But, the most amazing things have happened since I released my hurts, doubts and frustrations. I’m still telling my story. And, now, I have even more stories to share. I’ve been able to travel, teach and train. I’ve gotten remarried. I’m an author. I’ve watched my children become adults, and we have worked through many of our individual and collective hurts. We’re stronger. We’re better.
I’ve learned a lot from all of my experiences, and I’m dedicated to helping as many individuals, businesses and organizations as I possibly can to transition from awareness to action, become more educated, empowered and become holistically sound.
Life is full of adversities. For some, it’s domestic violence. For others, it may be poverty, illness or financial instability. And while each one is not unique on the surface, it is unique in how it affects your life and those around you. What I have learned is that no matter what life brings your way, you must find a way to still get up and keep going. You must find a way to show up and be present. Time will not wait. Life will continue to go forward and doesn’t stop because you’re going through crisis.
So, how do you show up? How do you keep going when it’s so much easier at times to just give up and give in? You ask for help. You put pride aside. You find a ‘why’ and stay focused on it. You stop worrying about what other people think. Ask yourself if other people’s thoughts are paying your bills, taking you to work, putting food in your refrigerator or encouraging you to give this day the best that you have to offer. Has pride put you in touch with health clinics and support groups who may offer assistance with the necessary treatment you need? Chances are, it hasn’t. Be clear about what you need and understand that faith without works is dead. Your ‘why’ has to be bigger than your unknown fear of failure. You have to have a confidence in your ‘why’ that is so strong that it propels you to work hard and smart.
Each day, we must do our very best to show up and do what we need to do in our personal and professional lives. Some days are easier than others. The key is in the mindset. Sometimes our physical health prohibits us from movement, but we must keep our minds strong. We must stay connected to positive people, music and literature. We must speak a positive affirmation over our lives daily and create tangible items that will keep us focused. It may be a vision board, keeping a journal or a computer/phone screen saver. Move away from social media a bit and show up in other platforms that may be more encouraging and engaging. Pray, meditate and concentrate daily. Be intentional in your plans to show up and make it a great day.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am honored to share that my submission to The Memphis Flyer’s Viewpoint column was received and approved for publication. It was great to see the print publication last night, and the online version is now available. Click the title to read the article and be sure to leave a comment. Domestic Violence: From Awareness to Action
The picture is the cover of the latest edition of the Memphis Flyer.
