I have thoroughly enjoyed being a contributing writer for Megan Mottley’s Vision for Daily Devotionals. I’m one of 12 women who share insights on everything from business to health and wellness! Here’s an except from my latest posting.
“Bruises can often heal and possibly fade to the point of not being noticeable or even remembered. But, our words have power. If said in a way to belittle or terrorize a person, it can cause extreme distress, depression and obliterate self esteem.”
Happy New Year! We’re into the first week of 2017. Many people have established their resolutions. For some, it’s eating better and exercising. For others, it’s starting a new business or becoming debt free. Whatever it is, it takes a certain degree of courage to admit that you have something in your personal and/or professional life that needs to change.
Have the courage to dedicate your steps with discipline and consistency. The sky is truly the limit. For those of us who have come out of abuse, it took courage to say that we were in trouble. It took courage to admit to ourselves that we wanted and needed change. The first step is the hardest and most courageous. It’s the courage to face ourselves in the mirror. We had to do that before we could take the next step of reaching out to others for assistance.
My courage has created a life for me that I NEVER thought possible. I’m a national speaker, trainer, Amazon best selling author, and I’m happily remarried. Had I not taken that first step of courage, I would not be experiencing the positive changes I’m experiencing in my life. And, by faith, humbleness and transparency, I’ve helped other women to do the same.
I had a mentoring session with a young lady yesterday who is a survivor. The things she’s doing with her life are phenomenal, and I’m honored that she feels that I have talents and areas of expertise that are beneficial to her holistic journey. I do not take that for granted. I’m happy that my courage has assisted others in some way to create the changes they want/need in their lives.
With February being known as the month of love and inclusive of Valentine’s Day, society has convinced so many people that it is necessary to buy expensive gifts and eat at fancy restaurants. And, with social media being the driving force of real time information, everyone’s in a competition to see who can buy the biggest and the best of everything so that it can posted, tweeted and instant messaged for all to see. But, is this the true meaning of love? Valentine’s Day is one day. We have 365 days in a year (366 during leap year). Are you any less loved or cared for during those times?
The truth is, not everyone can afford to buy expensive gifts. Not everyone can afford to buy gifts period. That doesn’t mean that you are any less loved or valued. It doesn’t mean that the love you have for others should be measured by what you can provide with material options. Love is an action word, and that action can be displayed in the time you spend with those that you love and care about. Say I love you. Talk about those things that make the person special. Compliment their cooking. Want to do something tangible? Create a list of 10 things that make that person great. Put them on note cards and place them in areas that the intended reader is certain to find them.
Just a quick note to say that if you’re reading this, thank you! I appreciate you. You took out the time to read what I had to say, and for that, I am grateful. My way of showing the community that I care is through my blogs and hosting the radio show, Boots on the Ground. I also do my best to be transparent in the way that I speak and carry myself. I give what I can financially to individuals and organizations. I often write handwritten notes to send out to others to say thank you, I appreciate you or I love you. I do it randomly throughout the year. I feel that these are some way to REALLY show someone how you feel about them. I encourage each of you to act in accordance to your means to express love and appreciation. And, concentrate on letting everyday serve as an opportunity to love yourself and others. Society as a whole may label February as the specific time to express it, but real love shouldn’t be defined by a day, but rather, by consistent actions that can be seen, felt, heard and remembered long after February has come and gone.
Recently, I had the privilege of speaking on a tele-summit entitled, She is in You. My topic was “Girls Night-Investing In You”. My focus was to share with the listening audience about my experience with overcoming domestic violence and entertaining the idea of engaging in a romantic relationship again, but only AFTER I had truly learned to love myself and embrace me-flaws and all. I also had to find ways to invest in myself holistically.
I wanted to dispel the myth that you have to spend a lot of money in order to be happy or do things for yourself. Because February is known as love month, and specifically, Valentine’s Day, society equates gifts and fancy dinners as the ultimate displays of love and affection. For many, this month is quite dreaded. What if you don’t have a significant other? What if the significant other was your abuser? What if you don’t have the money to afford a spa day or night out on the town? It does not or should not make you or anyone else feel less important or significant. We should never measure our self worth on material things.
You can pamper yourself on a budget. For about $5, you can buy a box of finely ground scented bath salts, an aroma-scented candle, manicure set, cotton balls and nail polish from any Family Dollar, WalMart or Dollar General Store. Play the radio or download music to your phone, run a nice bath and relax. Have children? Establish some things for them to do while you’re pampering yourself and make sure they understand the boundaries of ‘mommy time’ or take some time for yourself before they go to school or after bed. Of course, not every situation works for everybody, but the point is, YOU must take some time out for YOU. In order to establish happy and healthy relationships with others, whether it be personal or professional, you must first make sure that you’re in a happy and healthy relationship with yourself.
I have often said that I enjoy being invited to any party but a pity party. I may decide to stop by and check it out for a few minutes Like and . However, I will never take off my coat or have a seat. I am not interested in making myself comfortable. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. When it’s not treating you fairly, or even if your experiences are in some way self inflicted, at what point do you stop pouting? I offer three other p’s to consider: pray, persevere and praise.
Pray: I truly believe that everyone needs to have some sort of spiritual foundation and be intentional about tapping into that foundation daily. It has truly been a saving grace for me. Read a bible, Q’uan, Daily Bread or any countless number of books from pastors or spiritual advisers from around the world. Practice daily and consistent prayer, meditation and chanting. Speak about the things that trouble you and express your needs, wants and desires. Pray for peace of mind, clarity and guided direction.
Persevere: You have to find ways to push through life’s frustrations, whatever they may be. I know that can be easier said than done, but it must be done. Focus on your why. I’ve talked about this before. Your why is the fuel that keeps you going when nothing else seems to matter. Money is a great motivator, but be specific about the money. For me, it was me verbalizing that I need money to pay my rent because I was tired of seeing eviction notices on my door every month. My children not having school uniforms or us not having transportation. My why continues to be all about stability. I don’t want to ever find myself worrying about what I’m going to eat or where I’m going to lay my head. So, I push though. I make the uncomfortable phone calls. I ask for support. I stay up late and get up early. I am consistent.
Praise: Be thankful for your experiences. I can assure you that someone wishes they had what you’re dealing with. I’ll take it a step further and say that you don’t want other people’s problems. Find ways to celebrate where you are, what you have, what you’ve done, who’s been there for you, etc. When you can find (sometimes it’s not as easy as others) the positives, it allows you to redirect your focus on what you need to do to change your situation. You’ll remember that person, place or thing that will give you just the push you need and recognize that as long as you have breath, you have life.
