I recently had a very long and candid conversation with someone who’s going through a difficult time in their lives. No matter how hard they try, nothing seems to be coming together. Positive affirmations don’t seem to work. Calling certain friends and family have resulted in voicemail or the ‘stay encouraged’ answer which, while meaningful, is actually not very encouraging at all. It seems there’s more month than money. They get up with a positive attitude, pray and do their absolute best to remain positive. Still, the doors of opportunity seem to remain shut. Is God or anybody listening to the outcry of help and support needed? Surely SOMEBODY is listening and willing to help.
How many of us have gone down this same path? You may be reading this and going through some things right now and wondering if anyone is listening to your problems. Does anybody even care? How do I overcome when I believe I’m doing everything right? Here are a couple of points I want you to consider.
Are you consistent? Think about it. Are you consistently praying and asking for support and assistance. Or, are you consistent in your complaining, pity parties and blaming others? It’s alright to have a pity party for a short time. But, the short time should be 5 to 10 minutes. Cry, scream-do whatever you need to do. After that, wash your face, say out loud how you’re ready to move forward (in whatever your personal words of encouragement are) and start again. It’s important to be consistent in your thanksgiving for your valleys as well as your peaks.
Who are you talking to? You cannot tell everyone what you’re going through. There are people who will pray for your deliverance and those who will pray for your demise. Put your pride and fear aside and let people know what you need. Just be mindful with whom you share your information. Ask. Ask. Ask. Talk to people who are doing what you’re doing and learn more about their successes and failure. Trust me. Successful people have failed at something in their lifetimes. Be intentional about connecting with the individuals and resources you need to move forward. It may be uncomfortable, but being in the position you’re in is not exactly comfortable either. You’re struggling to ask, so you don’t ask and remain in struggle mode. Evaluate where you are, consider the outcome and pick a struggle.
Make sure that you take a moment to listen to yourself and examine where you are. Keep pushing forward. Keep saying positive affirmations. Keep putting out positive energy. Keep smiling. Keep an attitude of gratitude. Ask for help. Understand that you will hear the word no. Don’t be discouraged by them. Be determined by them.
This weekend, I received the 2017 Crime Victim Advocate of the Year award. I am extremely honored and humbled to receive this award. On April 10th, I celebrated 7 years of speaking about my abuse for the 1st time in a public setting. So, to receive such an award at this stage of my life is a personal and professional joy.
My life has definitely had it’s share of peaks and valleys. It has been an honor to serve my community. When I spoke about my abuse for the first time, I didn’t plan on doing it again. At the time, I really just wanted to speak my truth in a setting I felt would help the attendees to talk with their children. The conference for which I chose to share was not a domestic violence conference. In fact, it was for teen girls to learn about topics related to careers, self esteem and etiquette. I chose to talk about domestic violence with the parents because adults who deal with the aftermath of abuse have often seen it or experienced it as a young child or teen. I felt it was important to have the parents think about having a conversation with their children about abuse. Acting out, being an introvert, suicidal thoughts, etc could be the result of an underlying problem with abuse.
From the moment I spoke about my life, I made friends that I still have today. I ran in the 5K Sexual Assault Race this weekend with one of them. I’m the Executive Director of Walking Into A New Life, Inc. I continue to speak and present locally and nationally about personal development, overcoming adversities and becoming self sufficient. I’m committed to help others to not see themselves as victims but as survivors. Victimization is a crime. I want to always be found being a voice for those who can’t or aren’t able to speak until they have the courage and opportunity to speak for themselves.
I have thoroughly enjoyed being a contributing writer for Megan Mottley’s Vision for Daily Devotionals. I’m one of 12 women who share insights on everything from business to health and wellness! Here’s an except from my latest posting.
“Bruises can often heal and possibly fade to the point of not being noticeable or even remembered. But, our words have power. If said in a way to belittle or terrorize a person, it can cause extreme distress, depression and obliterate self esteem.”
Happy New Year! We’re into the first week of 2017. Many people have established their resolutions. For some, it’s eating better and exercising. For others, it’s starting a new business or becoming debt free. Whatever it is, it takes a certain degree of courage to admit that you have something in your personal and/or professional life that needs to change.
Have the courage to dedicate your steps with discipline and consistency. The sky is truly the limit. For those of us who have come out of abuse, it took courage to say that we were in trouble. It took courage to admit to ourselves that we wanted and needed change. The first step is the hardest and most courageous. It’s the courage to face ourselves in the mirror. We had to do that before we could take the next step of reaching out to others for assistance.
My courage has created a life for me that I NEVER thought possible. I’m a national speaker, trainer, Amazon best selling author, and I’m happily remarried. Had I not taken that first step of courage, I would not be experiencing the positive changes I’m experiencing in my life. And, by faith, humbleness and transparency, I’ve helped other women to do the same.
I had a mentoring session with a young lady yesterday who is a survivor. The things she’s doing with her life are phenomenal, and I’m honored that she feels that I have talents and areas of expertise that are beneficial to her holistic journey. I do not take that for granted. I’m happy that my courage has assisted others in some way to create the changes they want/need in their lives.
I certainly hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday and weekend overall. For many of us, it was a time well spent with family and friends. It was a time to enjoy great food, fun and fellowship with those that we love. Many of us created some wonderful memories. We also reflected on those whom we may have lost over the past year. Thanksgiving is typically thought of as just that-a time of giving thanks for all things wonderful.
I certainly did a lot of that this year. All three of my grandchildren came to our home this year, and it was certainly a joy to watch them interact with one another. My daughters now have children of their own. Their children are cousins. My youngest grandchild, a girl, is almost two years old. So, she’s at an age where she understands pretty well, speaks plenty of understandable words and has more energy than most of us! I helped to deliver each of them, and it has given my heart great joy to watch them grow up. I have two granddaughters and one grandson, which is identical to my own children. However, the boy is the oldest grandchild. My son is the youngest. The funniest part of all is that we ALL say my grandson acts exactly like my son. They haven’t always spent time around each other, so where is comes from is still a bit of a mystery in a way.
But, it’s important to be thankful for the valley moments. It’s not an easy thing to do. In fact, it can be nearly impossible at times. But, it makes us stronger. It makes us more appreciative of the peaks we enjoy. The valley puts us in a position to test our faith, accept our truth and most of all, remind us that we are human. Being human means that you’re going to make some mistakes. Everything will not be perfect. You’re going to experience hurt and loss. You’re not going to be treated fairly.
I’ve definitely had my valley moments. In fact, I’m having a bit of a valley experience even as I write this blog. What I encourage you to do is to acknowledge that you’re going through the valley. Acknowledge it to yourself and then to someone you trust. Don’t stay in the valley alone or for too long. Let someone know you’re in there so they can help you get out! There’s strength in vulnerability. Be thankful that you’re able to recognize that things aren’t where you need, want and/or desire them to be. You recognize that the situation will get better and/or you have come into an acceptance about where you are and what’s to come. When you do that, there’s a whole world of situations that you can look at and say you’re thankful-the good, the bad and the challenging.
