Last week, I had the opportunity to speak multiple nights for Family Vacation Bible School which was hosted by Nigerian Seventh Day Adventist Church in Lithonia, GA. The organizers were very intentional about wanting to make sure parents were given information on a variety of subjects. Financial literacy, nutrition and healthy relationships were among the topics discussed. I am glad to have had the opportunity to discuss children and safety one night and domestic violence a 2nd night.
It is very important to me that we address child sexual abuse and molestation with our children as well as domestic violence at an early age. I’ve discussed both topics a number of times in church settings. However, this was the first time I’ve ever done it at a vacation bible school, and I think it’s great! Many of our communities are saturated with places of worship. I truly believe it’s a perfect place and opportunity for awareness, education and support. The parents were interactive and asked a lot of questions. Each time I’m able to present is an honor, and I’m extremely grateful to everyone responsible for having me attend what was an outstanding vacation bible school for the children as well as the parents.
Today, I listened to our local news give a report on a 35 yr old man living in Canada who tried to lure a 13 yr old girl for sex. Over the past couple of week, I’ve listened to reports of sexual assault and the number of rape kits still untested in our city. I won’t even start on the multiple murders and abuse cases reported related to domestic violence over the past month. Housing for victims of abuse is extremely limited and the criteria, in many cases, doesn’t fit the clients that need a place to stay. Lately, those serving the community in a professional capacity are the ones being arrested. By professional, I mean police officers, attorneys and public officials. I know our city isn’t alone in much of this. But, Memphis is the city I live in, and therefore, I feel I must continue to push here and work as best as I know how to spread awareness and challenge action. I’m talking tangible action. I’m talking accountable action.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. I encourage everyone reading this to please take a look at this link for additional information about sexual assault, rape, etc: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault
I want to encourage the following:
Have a conversation with your tweens/teens about sex, good touches, bad touches and social media. If you feel you need to look through their phones and computers-DO IT! It’s not about their privacy. It’s about their safety. What they feel is harmless or meaningless is oftentimes the very things that predators are looking for. Make sure you’re spending quality time with your tweens/teens. Listen to them. What you don’t want is for them to feel they must look for love and affection from a stranger.
If you have been sexually assaulted, report it. Get counseling. Seek justice. Your voice and your feelings matter! Don’t let anyone make you believe anything different. Silence is what the perpetrator is relying on. If you’re a family member or friend, be supportive. Believe the person who’s been assaulted. Do not judge or offer your ‘what I would have done’ attitude because you really can’t say for sure what action you may have taken, and honestly, it’s not what a victim nor survivor needs to hear.
Get involved-PLEASE. See something-say something. Write letters to your local and state officials. When it’s time to vote, see where politicians stand on the issues that matter to you. Vote them in OR OUT! Volunteer your time to support groups as a peer mentor. Receive certifications from places like the local Memphis Child Advocacy Center or National Organization for Victims Assistance (NOVA).
As many of you are now aware, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I will be sharing a lot more blogs over the next few weeks, so please be sure to stay connected. In the meantime, I’m asking that you reach out to your local agencies and ask how you can help, attend events, make a donation, wear something purple, etc. And, as always, if you or someone you know is going through domestic violence, please call 911 asap (if in immediate danger) or your local agency for strategies on how to leave safely. I’m looking forward to sharing the launch of our organization’s website (Walking Into A New Life, Inc.). But, you can keep up with what we’re doing here: https://www.facebook.com/walkingintoanewlifeinc/
April is recognized nationally as sexual assault awareness month, aka S.A.A.M. Throughout the month, I will be participating in a number of activities in support of the month, but it’s also quite personal for me. One of the worst experiences of my life was being sexually assaulted by someone that I loved. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that sexual assault/abuse within intimate relationships is common and often not reported, mainly because it is an intimate partner. Being in a relationship is not consent for abuse in any form. Rape is rape. Abuse is abuse. The relationship status isn’t a pass to mistreat another individual.
April 10th marks the anniversary of when I shared my experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault in a public setting. I’d talked about it to some degree with a person here and there, but I decided to go public with it at the Young Women of Excellence program for which I was a chairperson. At the time of my presentation, I wasn’t aware that April was a month of any particular meaning. I just felt that it was the perfect opportunity to share with the women in the audience about my experiences. My hope was that those mothers would hear what I had to say, think about what may be going on in their own lives or the lives of someone they knew, and have the courage to talk about it and of course, leave.
I never thought about what I’d do or how I’d feel after the event was over. But, the most amazing things have happened since I released my hurts, doubts and frustrations. I’m still telling my story. And, now, I have even more stories to share. I’ve been able to travel, teach and train. I’ve gotten remarried. I’m an author. I’ve watched my children become adults, and we have worked through many of our individual and collective hurts. We’re stronger. We’re better.
I’ve learned a lot from all of my experiences, and I’m dedicated to helping as many individuals, businesses and organizations as I possibly can to transition from awareness to action, become more educated, empowered and become holistically sound.
I am honored that WREG Channel 3’s Markova Reed featured me as the weekly Bright Spot for my work to make sure that men are included in the advocating of ending violence against women. I am a seven year survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. I have always believed that while men are viewed as the problem regarding domestic violence, I also believe they play a large roll in helping to end it.
When I started our nonprofit, Walking Into A New Life, Inc., I wanted to make sure that people knew that part of my courage for starting it in the first place was due to the support and encouragement of a man. I had spoken a few places about my abuse, but hadn’t formally put anything in place. This man did not have a yearning passion to work in this field. He didn’t have a lot of education or clinical background on the subject. However, he took an interest in helping me build a website, develop a logo and even provided input on creating the name. As I was beginning to learn more about myself, I began to question why I made the relationship choices I did. I wondered if there were other men who’d been victimized. I wondered if there were men who were regretful about the way they treated women. I questioned why the man I met had taken an interest in helping me without wanting something in return. And, if he was legitimately a genuine soul, was it possible that other men like him existed. After completing a bit of internet searching, I would find an organization and one man in particular to be intriguing, engaging and passionate about the work-Tony Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men.
After spending a couple of months of calling his headquarters, I was told by his Executive Assistant (who’d learned my voice) that he would be coming to Tunica, Ms and would make a stop in Memphis to LeMoyne Owen College. This was great news, especially since this wasn’t a part of the country that he traveled. I had no car at the time, and I had only been out of my abusive environment for less than a year. But, I rode the bus as far as it would take me and walked the rest of the way to the college. After his presentation, I made my way to him and when I told him who I was, he laughed and said that his assistant said I may coming to meet him. I told him about my desire to understand more about men being involved in this work, and we’ve been friends ever since. He has been the keynote speaker for our organization twice, and he continues to provide me with encouragement and support as I move forward in my journey.
As for the man who encouraged me to follow my passion and purpose- well, he and I got married last year! That is another blog for another time. But, I am proof that business and healthy relationships can be blended into a beautiful marriage. Now, we work together in business and in marriage as I continue to grow my speaking and writing platform.
