I had the privilege of being able to share a few insights as an invited guest for the Culturally Relevant Victim Centered Approaches training in Nashville, TN. It was hosted by the Women of Color Network, Inc. out of Pennsylvania. I’m a graduate of the LEAP Cohort 3 Fellows program WOCN developed along with CALCASA (California Coalition Against Sexual Assault). While I’m glad to have had the opportunity to share my perspective from a personal as well as professional perspective, I learned a great deal of useful information & a deeper appreciation for the need for such programs to be implemented and discussed on an ongoing basis.
One of the most interesting parts about the training was our discussion on biases and the exercises we did surrounding those biases. There were some attendees who were a bit uncomfortable. I think it’s a good thing. In order to better understand how to effectively assist victims and survivors, we must be honest with ourselves about how we view people as well as how we view ourselves when interacting with them.
I am hopeful to have the chance to facilitate training on this subject and will be pushing for agencies, businesses and anyone working with abuse survivors to take part in the discussion. I believe it will also prove to be helpful for personal development and the ability to work more efficiently with staff/fellow co-workers.
I recently had a very long and candid conversation with someone who’s going through a difficult time in their lives. No matter how hard they try, nothing seems to be coming together. Positive affirmations don’t seem to work. Calling certain friends and family have resulted in voicemail or the ‘stay encouraged’ answer which, while meaningful, is actually not very encouraging at all. It seems there’s more month than money. They get up with a positive attitude, pray and do their absolute best to remain positive. Still, the doors of opportunity seem to remain shut. Is God or anybody listening to the outcry of help and support needed? Surely SOMEBODY is listening and willing to help.
How many of us have gone down this same path? You may be reading this and going through some things right now and wondering if anyone is listening to your problems. Does anybody even care? How do I overcome when I believe I’m doing everything right? Here are a couple of points I want you to consider.
Are you consistent? Think about it. Are you consistently praying and asking for support and assistance. Or, are you consistent in your complaining, pity parties and blaming others? It’s alright to have a pity party for a short time. But, the short time should be 5 to 10 minutes. Cry, scream-do whatever you need to do. After that, wash your face, say out loud how you’re ready to move forward (in whatever your personal words of encouragement are) and start again. It’s important to be consistent in your thanksgiving for your valleys as well as your peaks.
Who are you talking to? You cannot tell everyone what you’re going through. There are people who will pray for your deliverance and those who will pray for your demise. Put your pride and fear aside and let people know what you need. Just be mindful with whom you share your information. Ask. Ask. Ask. Talk to people who are doing what you’re doing and learn more about their successes and failure. Trust me. Successful people have failed at something in their lifetimes. Be intentional about connecting with the individuals and resources you need to move forward. It may be uncomfortable, but being in the position you’re in is not exactly comfortable either. You’re struggling to ask, so you don’t ask and remain in struggle mode. Evaluate where you are, consider the outcome and pick a struggle.
Make sure that you take a moment to listen to yourself and examine where you are. Keep pushing forward. Keep saying positive affirmations. Keep putting out positive energy. Keep smiling. Keep an attitude of gratitude. Ask for help. Understand that you will hear the word no. Don’t be discouraged by them. Be determined by them.
June is recognized as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness month. It is commonly referred to PTSD. By definition, it is a mental health condition some people develop after a traumatic experience. Most often, PTSD is associated with someone who has served in combat while in the military. Over the years, it is now being recognized among individuals who’ve experienced other types of trauma. Examples include a life threatening event, domestic abuse or sexual assault. PTSD is oftentimes overlooked. However, far more people suffer from it than most of us could possibly imagine.
For me, it was not something I even realized I suffered from until I was sitting in a workshop a few years ago. The topic was PTSD and the facilitator is the Director of The Athena Project here in Memphis. As she described the symptoms, I found myself becoming overwhelmed with emotions. I cried. Not so much because I realized in that moment that she was describing me and my life. I cried because for the first time in my life, I felt like I had an explanation for why certain things affect me the way they do. It was a sigh of relief. My feelings finally had a name, and the name was PTSD.
If you are reading this, I strongly encourage you to check out the following link: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/basics/what-is-ptsd.asp It’s from the Department of Veterans Affairs. It provides some great information regarding PTSD, including knowing the signs and getting help. If you’re in the Memphis, TN area, please reach out to The Athena Project: http://www.memphis.edu/athena/
As Executive Director of Walking Into A New Life, Inc., it is extremely important to me that we continue to find ways to share tangible resources with victims and survivors of domestic violence. Our latest campaign involves something that everyone can participate in and doesn’t cost anything to do so. We’re asking everyone to help us collect old cellphones to help those in need to have safe and effective communication.
Verizon Wireless has a Hopeline program which collects old cellphones and accessories. The phones are reprogrammed and given to victims and survivors of abuse. Many times, those who are dealing with abuse are isolated from family and friends. They are connected to cellphone plans owned by their abuser. Their phones are monitored by the abuser. This keeps those who are being victimized from communicating freely. Providing them with cellphones provides them with safe communication and independence.
During the month of April, we will be assisting in this campaign. It doesn’t matter how old the phone is or if it’s broken. The style or brand doesn’t matter either. We just need the phones. If you want to help, it doesn’t matter where you are. You CAN help. Just ask how. Email us here: info@wianl.org.
