I recently had the privilege of speaking at Hard Rock Cafe in Memphis, TN. It was the location for my dear friend, Gwendolyn Turner’s 1st official fundraiser for her transitional housing facility. The Corinthian Safe House will be a safe haven for women and families fleeing domestic violence. It’s has a tentative date of operation of December, 2016. Gwen asked if I would share a few words about my personal journey and the need for housing for survivors in our community.
It was a great opportunity for me to share about my struggles with solidifying housing for myself and my children when I left my abuser. It’s not easy finding housing, especially when your credit is not that great, resources are limited, transportation is a challenge and you are dealing with the emotional and/or physical trauma of abuse. I was able to share how everything I just mentioned were barriers for me. I was able to share how those same issues are a constant problem for many of the survivors I’ve spoken to. And, having worked specifically as a Victim Advocate for Shelby Co., I spend a lot of time talking with victims and survivors first hand. Housing was often listed as a top priority. I conducted a survey recently among advocates and survivors of abuse. Housing was the one barrier that was listed as a priority at a rate of 100%.
I am hopeful that Gwen’s date of operation becomes a reality. It looks very promising. It is certainly needed. I will be there for the ribbon cutting. If you’re in the Memphis, TN area, I encourage you to join us. Be on the look out for additional information.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at a monthly forum called The Mental Discussion. Hosted by Mental Health Therapist Brandy Flynn, the purpose is to bring community awareness on issues related to mental health as well as the various intersections. This month, she wanted to address the intersections between mental health and domestic violence.
While I touched on several points, the most significant one I want to share in this blog is that of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. As described by the US Dept of Veteran Affairs, PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after a traumatic event such as war, assault or disaster. So often, many of us only think of PTSD as a condition exclusive to war veterans. Before I had a true understanding of PTSD, I made the same assumption. As I began to learn more about myself on the survivor’s side of abuse, I realized that there were certain images made me nervous to the point of hand tremors and even insomnia. There are certain movies I cannot watch and conversations for which I cannot participate. I used to think that something was wrong with me. I mean, after all, it’s just a movie or it’s just a conversation. I believed that I needed to just accept that and get over it.
PTSD is very real for anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience. It becomes active when a person is exposed to certain triggers. They are different for everyone. For some, it may be gunfire which reminds them of a traumatic experience in their lives. For others, it may be a particular genre of music. It’s important to let your doctor or counselor know if you think you may be suffering from PTSD. They will be able to discuss the signs and options for help.
As many of you are now aware, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I will be sharing a lot more blogs over the next few weeks, so please be sure to stay connected. In the meantime, I’m asking that you reach out to your local agencies and ask how you can help, attend events, make a donation, wear something purple, etc. And, as always, if you or someone you know is going through domestic violence, please call 911 asap (if in immediate danger) or your local agency for strategies on how to leave safely. I’m looking forward to sharing the launch of our organization’s website (Walking Into A New Life, Inc.). But, you can keep up with what we’re doing here: https://www.facebook.com/walkingintoanewlifeinc/
What do you need today? Do you need a word of encouragement? Are you looking for opportunities to collaborate? Have you been thinking about writing a book? What about starting an exercise program? Let’s take a moment to address a strategy that may help you to get started.
Create two lists-one labeled Professional. The second labeled Personal. Write down all of the things that you need, want and desire for each list.
Examine each list and see which needs overlap one another. Chances are, the items on the list that overlap are the ones that have a significant place of priority and importance for you. Review them and create a special list just for them.
Based on your list, look for the people, places and things that will assist you with accomplishing those needs. Track your results.
Now, when you’re doing this, keep in mind that you may hear the word ‘no’ and if so, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Consider it confirmation, and move on to the next opportunity. Don’t let the fear of hearing no keep you from asking. Allow your needs to outweigh any fears, doubts or insecurities you may have. Share your needs with someone you trust and exchange ideas with them. If you do this, and do it consistently and intentionally, I feel confident that you will see the results you desire.
I go through periods of what I call valley moments. I can’t seem to concentrate. I receive far more ‘no’ responses than I’d care to share. Sometimes, the no comes in the form of no communication at all. Despite my best efforts, I just can’t seem to move ahead. I get depressed and frustrated. I know that I’m not the only person who goes through this. It’s a hard thing to admit or acknowledge that you’re struggling with something. Or, it may be several somethings. I asset where I am in my valley moments, and I know that my situation could be worse. There was a time in my life when it actually was. I recognize that there is someone going through far more challenging issues. But, my valley moments are real for me. They are important for me. They’ve seemed unbearable at times, for me. Yet, somehow, I manage to keep pushing forward and making the most of where I am.
In life, we’re all going to face valley moments in our personal and professional lives. Those moments can feel like a lifetime. I know. I’ve been there. It’s not been as long as others may think. The key to dealing with the valley moments is just that-dealing with them. Just because you’re in the valley doesn’t mean you have to dwell on it. It doesn’t mean that you should give in to despair. It’s a time to reflect. It’s a time to assess the circumstances responsible for your adversity. There are some issues that are beyond your control. There are other situations that are self inflicted. Either way, you have to be honest with yourself, take responsibility for the role you played and be accepting of the aspects for which you have no control. Once you do that, the next step is to act accordingly.
The most important thing is to keep moving. The more time you allow yourself to dwell on the negative aspects of the valley, you’re unable to recognize the positives. You never know how much faith, strength and courage you have until you’ve been faced with a situation that challenges it. When, yes when, you make it through your adversities and reach your peak, you’ll be able to look back on what your challenges were and reflect on just how strong you really are. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t stop trying. Keep going-everyday. Keep pushing forward-everyday. One day, you’ll get your yes. You’ll get the clarity you need. Show up-everyday!
