This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at a monthly forum called The Mental Discussion. Hosted by Mental Health Therapist Brandy Flynn, the purpose is to bring community awareness on issues related to mental health as well as the various intersections. This month, she wanted to address the intersections between mental health and domestic violence.
While I touched on several points, the most significant one I want to share in this blog is that of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. As described by the US Dept of Veteran Affairs, PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after a traumatic event such as war, assault or disaster. So often, many of us only think of PTSD as a condition exclusive to war veterans. Before I had a true understanding of PTSD, I made the same assumption. As I began to learn more about myself on the survivor’s side of abuse, I realized that there were certain images made me nervous to the point of hand tremors and even insomnia. There are certain movies I cannot watch and conversations for which I cannot participate. I used to think that something was wrong with me. I mean, after all, it’s just a movie or it’s just a conversation. I believed that I needed to just accept that and get over it.
PTSD is very real for anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience. It becomes active when a person is exposed to certain triggers. They are different for everyone. For some, it may be gunfire which reminds them of a traumatic experience in their lives. For others, it may be a particular genre of music. It’s important to let your doctor or counselor know if you think you may be suffering from PTSD. They will be able to discuss the signs and options for help.
As many of you are now aware, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. I will be sharing a lot more blogs over the next few weeks, so please be sure to stay connected. In the meantime, I’m asking that you reach out to your local agencies and ask how you can help, attend events, make a donation, wear something purple, etc. And, as always, if you or someone you know is going through domestic violence, please call 911 asap (if in immediate danger) or your local agency for strategies on how to leave safely. I’m looking forward to sharing the launch of our organization’s website (Walking Into A New Life, Inc.). But, you can keep up with what we’re doing here: https://www.facebook.com/walkingintoanewlifeinc/
I go through periods of what I call valley moments. I can’t seem to concentrate. I receive far more ‘no’ responses than I’d care to share. Sometimes, the no comes in the form of no communication at all. Despite my best efforts, I just can’t seem to move ahead. I get depressed and frustrated. I know that I’m not the only person who goes through this. It’s a hard thing to admit or acknowledge that you’re struggling with something. Or, it may be several somethings. I asset where I am in my valley moments, and I know that my situation could be worse. There was a time in my life when it actually was. I recognize that there is someone going through far more challenging issues. But, my valley moments are real for me. They are important for me. They’ve seemed unbearable at times, for me. Yet, somehow, I manage to keep pushing forward and making the most of where I am.
In life, we’re all going to face valley moments in our personal and professional lives. Those moments can feel like a lifetime. I know. I’ve been there. It’s not been as long as others may think. The key to dealing with the valley moments is just that-dealing with them. Just because you’re in the valley doesn’t mean you have to dwell on it. It doesn’t mean that you should give in to despair. It’s a time to reflect. It’s a time to assess the circumstances responsible for your adversity. There are some issues that are beyond your control. There are other situations that are self inflicted. Either way, you have to be honest with yourself, take responsibility for the role you played and be accepting of the aspects for which you have no control. Once you do that, the next step is to act accordingly.
The most important thing is to keep moving. The more time you allow yourself to dwell on the negative aspects of the valley, you’re unable to recognize the positives. You never know how much faith, strength and courage you have until you’ve been faced with a situation that challenges it. When, yes when, you make it through your adversities and reach your peak, you’ll be able to look back on what your challenges were and reflect on just how strong you really are. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t stop trying. Keep going-everyday. Keep pushing forward-everyday. One day, you’ll get your yes. You’ll get the clarity you need. Show up-everyday!
It is my honor to facilitate Girls Night Out on Domestic Violence for a 5th year. The 1 hour program is designed to bring awareness to teen girls and women about domestic violence. And, to allow for an unfiltered conversation about dv, sexual assault and teen dating violence.
In 2012, I was asked to serve as a co-facilitator for this event. It is hosted by the Whitehaven Public Library in Memphis, TN. It was believed that the area would benefit from having an intimate discussion with young ladies about domestic violence. Since the initial event, I’ve been doing it solo. It continues to be one of the most enjoyable events that I participate in. I learn as much for the attendees as they say they learn from me.
The event is FREE to attend, and if you or someone you know is in the Memphis, TN area, please make plans to attend. It’s for teens and women only. For more information, please contact me or call the Whitehaven Public Library at (901) 415-2781.
In business, as well as in our personal lives, no can sometimes be the hardest word to say. Those two little words possess a great deal of power and influence. The closer we are to the person, place or thing we must say no to, the more difficult it is to do. I will go a step further and say that we feel compelled to provide an explanation. And, while I do believe that sometimes it is necessary to explain why we are saying no, in most cases, it is not. As humans, we tend to feel obligated to explain ourselves. We don’t want individuals to be mad at us or feel we are letting them down. The truth is, no is a complete sentence. It’s an answer to a question. Whether or not you should offer a why depends on the situation.
Understand that providing an explanation doesn’t mean you’ll be forgiven. It doesn’t mean you will be more liked. What is does mean is that you respected yourself and others to say no. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. When I say no, it’s usually because I’m trying to protect myself and/or others. There’s a lesson to be learned. There’s a strength that needs to be explored or exercised.
With each encounter in question, ask yourself what the short and long term outcomes will be. Examine the pros and cons. Evaluate whether the risk is worth the reward. Decide whether or not it will compromise your values, peace of mind and overall holistic well being. Assess whether or not you will see growth and if there is a mutual benefit.
Once you’ve completed your research, evaluations and careful assessments, you will be able to make an informed decision about what YOU want and need to do. And, if the answer is no, then say it with confidence, knowing that unless it is truly necessary, an explanation is not needed nor required.
