I recently had a very long and candid conversation with someone who’s going through a difficult time in their lives. No matter how hard they try, nothing seems to be coming together. Positive affirmations don’t seem to work. Calling certain friends and family have resulted in voicemail or the ‘stay encouraged’ answer which, while meaningful, is actually not very encouraging at all. It seems there’s more month than money. They get up with a positive attitude, pray and do their absolute best to remain positive. Still, the doors of opportunity seem to remain shut. Is God or anybody listening to the outcry of help and support needed? Surely SOMEBODY is listening and willing to help.
How many of us have gone down this same path? You may be reading this and going through some things right now and wondering if anyone is listening to your problems. Does anybody even care? How do I overcome when I believe I’m doing everything right? Here are a couple of points I want you to consider.
Are you consistent? Think about it. Are you consistently praying and asking for support and assistance. Or, are you consistent in your complaining, pity parties and blaming others? It’s alright to have a pity party for a short time. But, the short time should be 5 to 10 minutes. Cry, scream-do whatever you need to do. After that, wash your face, say out loud how you’re ready to move forward (in whatever your personal words of encouragement are) and start again. It’s important to be consistent in your thanksgiving for your valleys as well as your peaks.
Who are you talking to? You cannot tell everyone what you’re going through. There are people who will pray for your deliverance and those who will pray for your demise. Put your pride and fear aside and let people know what you need. Just be mindful with whom you share your information. Ask. Ask. Ask. Talk to people who are doing what you’re doing and learn more about their successes and failure. Trust me. Successful people have failed at something in their lifetimes. Be intentional about connecting with the individuals and resources you need to move forward. It may be uncomfortable, but being in the position you’re in is not exactly comfortable either. You’re struggling to ask, so you don’t ask and remain in struggle mode. Evaluate where you are, consider the outcome and pick a struggle.
Make sure that you take a moment to listen to yourself and examine where you are. Keep pushing forward. Keep saying positive affirmations. Keep putting out positive energy. Keep smiling. Keep an attitude of gratitude. Ask for help. Understand that you will hear the word no. Don’t be discouraged by them. Be determined by them.
June is nationally recognized as Pride Month. It’s an opportunity to recognize and show a solidarity of support for the LGBT community. Men and women who lost their lives due to HIV/AIDS and hate crimes are remembered. What started as a Gay Pride Day has grown tremendously. Unfortunately, the LGBT community deals with domestic violence with less support and resources. There is still a lot of debate centered around gay marriages, transgender bathrooms and an overall respect for one to live his or her life in the way that’s most comfortable. Even though there are a number of barriers which still need to be addressed, I’ve seen a positive surge of help, hope, support, acceptance and most of all, love over the years.
Nationally, we as a society just paid tribute to the 49 lives lost last year at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, FL. It was a senseless crime carried out based on a foundation of hate. The way the family members and friends have come together after this tragedy has definitely been inspiring. It is my hope as we continue to address the many intersections of domestic violence that we include and enforce tougher laws on hate crimes and provide more inclusive means to support ALL communities in need of services. Abuse knows no boundaries and neither should service providers or elected officials when it comes to providing resources and holistic support.
June is recognized as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness month. It is commonly referred to PTSD. By definition, it is a mental health condition some people develop after a traumatic experience. Most often, PTSD is associated with someone who has served in combat while in the military. Over the years, it is now being recognized among individuals who’ve experienced other types of trauma. Examples include a life threatening event, domestic abuse or sexual assault. PTSD is oftentimes overlooked. However, far more people suffer from it than most of us could possibly imagine.
For me, it was not something I even realized I suffered from until I was sitting in a workshop a few years ago. The topic was PTSD and the facilitator is the Director of The Athena Project here in Memphis. As she described the symptoms, I found myself becoming overwhelmed with emotions. I cried. Not so much because I realized in that moment that she was describing me and my life. I cried because for the first time in my life, I felt like I had an explanation for why certain things affect me the way they do. It was a sigh of relief. My feelings finally had a name, and the name was PTSD.
If you are reading this, I strongly encourage you to check out the following link: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/basics/what-is-ptsd.asp It’s from the Department of Veterans Affairs. It provides some great information regarding PTSD, including knowing the signs and getting help. If you’re in the Memphis, TN area, please reach out to The Athena Project: http://www.memphis.edu/athena/
National Small Business Week for 2017 is from April 30th through May 6th. In honor of NSBW, I am offering the sale of my book at 10% off. And…I’m offering $100 off on all of my services. If you’re interested in taking advantage of these savings, please email me at joyce@joycekyles.com & I will send you a special invoice to reflect the discount of your selected product and/or service.
When you support a small business, you’re supporting individuals who have taken the brave step to work for themselves. You’re supporting someone else’s dreams of self sufficiency and entrepreneurship. I look forward to working with everyone who trusts me with their personal and professional goals, dreams and aspirations. I am humbled by every book purchase, and I hope that readers find it to be easy to read and helpful in their pursuit of holistic restoration.
Today, I listened to our local news give a report on a 35 yr old man living in Canada who tried to lure a 13 yr old girl for sex. Over the past couple of week, I’ve listened to reports of sexual assault and the number of rape kits still untested in our city. I won’t even start on the multiple murders and abuse cases reported related to domestic violence over the past month. Housing for victims of abuse is extremely limited and the criteria, in many cases, doesn’t fit the clients that need a place to stay. Lately, those serving the community in a professional capacity are the ones being arrested. By professional, I mean police officers, attorneys and public officials. I know our city isn’t alone in much of this. But, Memphis is the city I live in, and therefore, I feel I must continue to push here and work as best as I know how to spread awareness and challenge action. I’m talking tangible action. I’m talking accountable action.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. I encourage everyone reading this to please take a look at this link for additional information about sexual assault, rape, etc: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault
I want to encourage the following:
Have a conversation with your tweens/teens about sex, good touches, bad touches and social media. If you feel you need to look through their phones and computers-DO IT! It’s not about their privacy. It’s about their safety. What they feel is harmless or meaningless is oftentimes the very things that predators are looking for. Make sure you’re spending quality time with your tweens/teens. Listen to them. What you don’t want is for them to feel they must look for love and affection from a stranger.
If you have been sexually assaulted, report it. Get counseling. Seek justice. Your voice and your feelings matter! Don’t let anyone make you believe anything different. Silence is what the perpetrator is relying on. If you’re a family member or friend, be supportive. Believe the person who’s been assaulted. Do not judge or offer your ‘what I would have done’ attitude because you really can’t say for sure what action you may have taken, and honestly, it’s not what a victim nor survivor needs to hear.
Get involved-PLEASE. See something-say something. Write letters to your local and state officials. When it’s time to vote, see where politicians stand on the issues that matter to you. Vote them in OR OUT! Volunteer your time to support groups as a peer mentor. Receive certifications from places like the local Memphis Child Advocacy Center or National Organization for Victims Assistance (NOVA).
