I just wanted to take a quick moment to acknowledge my 2 year wedding anniversary to my amazing husband, Jason. People often ask me how I gained enough trust in someone to allow them into my heart after having dealt with abuse. I dedicated an entire chapter of my book, Restoring the Whole in My Soul to our story because I felt that others needed to see and know that love after abuse is possible, and the HOW it happened wasn’t a fairy tale knight in shining armor type of story. It’s about real people who established a friendship which set the foundation for love, trust and understanding on a holistic level.
I absolutely love my husband for helping me to grow, trust, love and pursue my dreams. He encourages me to go further, push harder, dig deeper and explore infinite possibilities. He helped me to develop a business brand, a nonprofit and a confidence to share my knowledge and experiences in a way that is both professional and personable. I have never felt more safe, secure and encouraged in a relationship. I not only speak and train about healthy relationships, micro enterprise, personal development and life after abuse. I live it daily. It’s evident in the way I carry myself. It’s evident in my conversations. It’s given my family, friends and colleagues an opportunity to see my growth. I am grateful for this phase of my journey and all of the wonderful adventures that my husband and I will share for years to come.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. All month, I have been participating in different activities in honor of the month and to help spread awareness & education. Each year, I also strive to do something new and challenging as a way of establishing my personal and professional growth. Most people that know me tend to associate me with being a survivor of domestic violence. And, while that is what I started my journey speaking about and my primary focus, I am also a survivor of sexual assault. I participated in a 5k race against sexual assault, and it was one of the best experiences I’ve have.
The race was hosted by the Memphis and Shelby County Domestic and Sexual Violence Council. There were 111 individuals who signed up, with 87 people who actually ran. Of the racers, I was #44 overall (which is actually my current age) and my race tag was #45 which is what I will be on my birthday this year. I’m quite proud of myself for pushing through the pain and for not being discouraged with seeing so many others run past me. There’s some great significance in my last sentence. I pushed through the physical and emotional pain of a toxic relationship to get to this point of holistic peace in my life. I’ve learned to run my own race, recognizing that everyone’s journey and experiences are different. Therefore, the way that one responds to how they address it will be different.
The most important two points I want to make in this short blog is one, to challenge yourselves to do something new and two, operate within your comfort zone. I was not in the best physical shape to run this race, but I showed up, competed and finished. I did it in 42 minutes. I learned a lot about my mental and physical self. I established a foundation for myself and will continue to exercise my mind, body and spirit. I will continue to grow stronger and continue to endure. This is the overall attitude that I have as I continue my journey as a speaker, trainer, author, radio show host, wife, mother and survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault.
April is recognized nationally as sexual assault awareness month, aka S.A.A.M. Throughout the month, I will be participating in a number of activities in support of the month, but it’s also quite personal for me. One of the worst experiences of my life was being sexually assaulted by someone that I loved. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that sexual assault/abuse within intimate relationships is common and often not reported, mainly because it is an intimate partner. Being in a relationship is not consent for abuse in any form. Rape is rape. Abuse is abuse. The relationship status isn’t a pass to mistreat another individual.
April 10th marks the anniversary of when I shared my experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault in a public setting. I’d talked about it to some degree with a person here and there, but I decided to go public with it at the Young Women of Excellence program for which I was a chairperson. At the time of my presentation, I wasn’t aware that April was a month of any particular meaning. I just felt that it was the perfect opportunity to share with the women in the audience about my experiences. My hope was that those mothers would hear what I had to say, think about what may be going on in their own lives or the lives of someone they knew, and have the courage to talk about it and of course, leave.
I never thought about what I’d do or how I’d feel after the event was over. But, the most amazing things have happened since I released my hurts, doubts and frustrations. I’m still telling my story. And, now, I have even more stories to share. I’ve been able to travel, teach and train. I’ve gotten remarried. I’m an author. I’ve watched my children become adults, and we have worked through many of our individual and collective hurts. We’re stronger. We’re better.
I’ve learned a lot from all of my experiences, and I’m dedicated to helping as many individuals, businesses and organizations as I possibly can to transition from awareness to action, become more educated, empowered and become holistically sound.
I had the pleasure of participating in a three day tele-summit entitled Unleash You in 2016: Living on Purpose, Maximizing Your Life. This was my second time participating in a tele-summit, and I must say, I have thoroughly enjoyed both experiences. I was given the opportunity to go into a deep discussion about what the title means to me and how it correlates with the work that I do. It was also an opportunity to hear from other speakers, all women, who shared their own perspectives. It was hosted by Patricia Wright who is a coaching specialist/strategist. It was a great opportunity for me personally and professionally. I learned a great deal from the other speakers, and I received positive feedback regarding my own presentation.
In short, I shared that when I hear the word leash, I think of something that is being confined or constricted. I think of dog and cat owners who have their pets on leashes for the purposes of walking them without allowing them to run freely until they are in an environment that is safe for them to do so. The leash also helps the pet owner to walk them at their own pace rather than the pace that the pet may wish to do so. To be unleashed, for me, is to be free to do what I want, when I want and how I want. Living on purpose and maximizing my life has given me the chance to learn more about who I am, what I want/need and establish what my life’s purpose is to be. As a survivor of abuse, I get to live that life to its fullest potential and not feel confined to the ideas, goals and lifestyle of other people and their expectations for me. I’ve even unleashed the fear and doubt that I once had about my own life and expectations that I had for myself due to an inaccurate, well established self fulfilling prophecy.
I challenge each of you to find your purpose, live your lives to its fullest potential and unleash whoever or whatever may be stopping you from being your very best you. It’s not too late to start unleashing, forgiving and loving yourself and those around you. Give yourself permission to be free. Understand that we all make mistakes, but that you shouldn’t allow yourself or other to suffocate you with reminders of those mistakes. Have an outstanding 2016, knowing that each day will bring you new challenges, adventures, valley moments and peaks. They all serve a purpose. Live your life on purpose and maximize your life, today and everyday going forward.
Domestic abuse can leave many individuals in fear of their lives. Statistics show that once a victim of abuse decides to leave his/her abuser, there is a greater chance of the victim being assaulted, and sadly, may turn fatal. The major reason for this has to do with the abuser realizing that he’s losing his/her power and control over the victim. This is one of the main reasons that we, as advocates and counselors, encourage individuals to have a safety plan in place that covers a who, what, when, where and why for before, during and after he/she leaves an abusive situation. For many, learning various methods of self defense is a positive way to make individuals feel safe and empowered.
In Memphis, TN, there are a number of organizations and businesses that offer options for self defense, some to include gun training and certification. On March 19th, I will serve as one of the presenters for the event on the attached photo. This particular conference will explore options that do not include the use of a gun. We’ll also talk about domestic abuse, the different types, understanding the signs, where to go for services and will include live demonstrations for self defense for which attendees can participate. If you’re in Memphis or know others who are, please be sure to register or encourage others to do so. What you’ll learn here will be helpful for you or someone you know.
