October is nationally recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness month. It is also Breast Cancer Awareness month. I will spend much of my time in October speaking and working to bring awareness and action regarding domestic violence, personal development, entrepreneurship, etc. But, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on an issue and part of my life I rarely talk about.
I was taking a shower. My left breast felt uncomfortable and sore. I’d noticed a sharp pain in the same area once before, but I dismissed it as having bumped into something and possibly bruised myself. I didn’t see any bruising, but after a better examination of myself, I did discover a lump.
I didn’t know a lot about breast cancer, but I knew enough to be concerned about the lump I’d discovered. At the time, I was pregnant. I had a million questions and ‘what ifs’ running through my mind. I was confused. How did I get this? Where did it come from? How long had it been there? Will I need chemotherapy? I was scared, and I didn’t know anyone who had gone through any aspect of this.
I talked with my Dr who decided it was best to perform a biopsy. It was a simple outpatient procedure with very little discomfort. The mass was removed from my breast, tested and came back benign. I was both thankful and relieved. The procedure didn’t affect my pregnancy in any way. I’m glad to have gone through the process.
It would be nearly 25 years before I would have another professional breast exam performed. I had a mammogram two weeks ago. I received my test results a couple of days ago. The tests came back as normal. There is absolutely no excuse I can give as to why it has taken me so long to have another exam. In my ignorance, I think I’d not taken the time to do it because I didn’t feel another lump, so I believed there was nothing to be concerned about. But, I’m grateful to my dear friend Katrina who is one of the most dedicated and knowledgeable advocates for health care I know. She has been a huge advocate for issues surrounding breast cancer. I’ve heard her give presentations over the years. A few weeks ago, I actually took the time to really listen. I considered my age, my perceptions and a couple of people who are really close to me and how they’d overcome breast cancer. I felt convicted and was convinced it was beyond time to get an exam.
Do NOT allow your age or lack of insurance to falsely convince you to not get an exam. You can perform self exams at home and there are agencies with grant money available to cover your expenses. If you feel anything which makes you feel uncomfortable or painful, talk with your primary care physician immediately. Or, reach out your local health department for assistance. I vow to get an examination each year going forward. I hope this blog will encourage you to do the same and/or share with friends/family.
I found out a couple of weeks ago the Huffington Post was coming to Memphis as part of their Listen To America bus tour. They’re stopping in 25 cities, talking with its citizens about the issues that matter most to them and their communities. I have always enjoyed reading the HuffPost. And, I love to write. It has always been a goal of mine to have some of my writings published with them. I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to meet some of the staff and learn more about how they came into the work. I was also intrigued to learn more about why they had chosen to do the bus tour.
What started out as an opportunity to learn turned into an opportunity to sit on the bus and give a short interview about who I am, why I do what I do and why I feel as I feel. While waiting for my turn to be interviewed, I talked with a lovely young lady named Chloe, a reporter for HuffPost. She in turn shared my thoughts with the editor of their daily newsletter. The link you will see at the end of this blog is my conversation with her! I am both excited and appreciative to have my thoughts shared with others who read HuffPost.
My interview on the bus was great! It was a very comfortable discussion, and I appreciate the fact I was able to speak freely. I don’t know what, if anything, will be used down the road with regard to their bus tour. But, just doing it was an awesome experience. It was super hot that day and my air wasn’t working in my car. My hair is frizzy and my makeup, which consisted of eyeliner and lip gloss, was completely gone due to me constantly wiping my face. But, I am happy with the results and Damon Dahlen, the photographer, did a great job of taking a photograph of me that I can be proud of.
Girls Night Out began six years ago at the Whitehaven Library. One of the directors, Donna Windham, reached out to me and asked if I’d be one of the facilitators. She felt domestic violence was a topic that needed to be addressed among young ladies, especially the teens. I agreed to participate. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and learned some great information from the attendees and the other agency presenter.
The following year, I was asked to come back. This time, I would be the sole presenter. Again, I agreed and again, I had a great time interacting with the attendees. I’m honored to say this year will mark six years of me serving in this capacity. It is extremely important that we continue to bring awareness about domestic violence, encourage our young people to make healthy and informed choices and guide their plans and purpose in a positive way. I do hope you’ll make plans to join us, share the information and bring as many young ladies with you as you can.
Over the Labor Day weekend, I had the opportunity to encourage and educate the Whitehaven community about domestic violence at their Annual Community Festival. I am especially pleased to see a festival that is specific to not only having a good time for families, but also making sure it includes a social component. Unfortunately, domestic violence plagues communities around the world. In Memphis specifically, Whitehaven is among those ranked relatively high with regard to domestic violence incidents.
I wanted to make sure the attendees understood that Memphis reached a record number of homicides in 2016, with the two biggest reasons being cited as gang related activity and domestic violence. I also wanted them to be aware of the many services available, including the one I founded, Walking Into A New Life, Inc. Lastly, I wanted them to know they were hearing from someone who could understand what they may be dealing with as I am celebrating another year as a survivor myself.
Always know that you’re not alone. Help and resources are available. If you or someone you know is going through abuse, please contact your local police precinct or domestic violence agency. Learn more about our nonprofit, Walking Into A New Life, Inc. by visiting the website, www.wianl.org. And, if you’re in immediate danger, PLEASE CALL 911 ASAP.
I posted this picture on facebook in November, 2008. I think I look pretty cute in it! It was part of a photo shoot I participated in for JD Westbrook photography. I was even featured on a flyer to promote his business. It was different and fun to do. As I write this, I’m not even sure if Mr. Westbrook is still in the photography business. I will have to check, so I can thank him for capturing this moment for me for a reason that neither of us considered when it was taken. This picture was taken approximately four months after I left my abusive marriage for good. Knowing what I now know about abuse, I understand that abuse doesn’t ‘look’ the way many of us perceive it to be.
Physical abuse is probably the easiest to recognize because, well, it’s visible. You see the black eyes and broken teeth. You see the bruises and dislocated arms. The various news outlets show us the physical side of abuse on a daily basis. But, what you don’t see nearly as often is the other types of abuse. Abuse can be emotional, sexual, financial, ritual, religious and psychological. It knows no race, color, religion, sexual orientation, educational background or social status.
Now, when I took this picture, I still hadn’t really considered the fact that what I had been experiencing was abuse. In my mind, I still only considered physical abuse to be the only ‘real’ abuse. We didn’t have physical altercations. I left because I was tired of me and my children being in an unhealthy and unstable environment. It wasn’t until I was encouraged to go to counseling that I realized that I had been abused in ways that have taken me years to come to terms with. The picture you see is a reflection of a college educated woman with a county job and involved in her community. It also represents a woman who was holistically broken and unsure of herself.
What I hope the picture does is show you there is no ‘look’ to a person dealing with or overcoming domestic abuse. The physical scars are what you notice first. But, if you look and listen a bit more closely, you’ll discover more individuals have been or currently going through abuse and may not even know it. And, as it was revealed to me in my own life, you may further discover that the one having gone through or going through the abuse is you! When I saw the picture and noticed the date, I almost cried. It is a true example of what it means to not look like what you’ve been through.
