Support a Cause During National Book Month

Support a Cause During National Book Month

Did you know that October is National Book Month? During the month of October, you can purchase an autographed copy of my book, Restoring the Whole in My Soul, for $10, knowing that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to Walking Into A New Life, Inc. The mission is to provide tangible resources to individuals affected by domestic violence. WIANL  is a nonprofit that’s been in existence since 2010 and can be found online at www.wianl.org as well as on Facebook and Twitter.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. I am proud to say this year, I am celebrating 10 years as a survivor. Each year, I strive to do something different, fun, reflective, and/or engaging as I continue to live my best life. For me, my best life is one of peace, hope, love, joy, and impact.

When you purchase a copy of my book, you will be supporting a survivor who has fulfilled one of her life’s goals. It can also be used as a journal and is an excellent choice for a book club or women’s group discussion. A 20% discount applies to bulk orders of 15 or more.

To receive your autographed copy along with a special ‘thank you’ from me, you must make your purchase directly from my website. I am humbled and honored to have your support and encouragement. Both ebooks are each available for $2.99.

Meeting and Interviewing Robert Townsend

Meeting and Interviewing Robert Townsend

To know me well is to know my love for movies. In fact, my husband tells me ALL the time that I need to find out how I can get PAID to become a film critic, discover a way to share my writing and love of little known facts, etc…lol  I’m not sure where I’d need to start, but I do think I’d enjoy doing it. I’m a huge fan of James Bond, Mission Impossible and Bourne Identity Franchises. If it’s detective based, drama or action, I want to see it. But, there are a few people and movies that are extremely close to my heart for personal reasons. One person-Robert Townsend. One movie-The Five Heartbeats. To meet Mr. Townsend in person, have the opportunity to interview him AND for HIM to sign MY book, was one of the biggest highlights of 2018 but also of my life.

I don’t mean to sound over the top or overly dramatic. But, he’s one of the best storytellers of our time. He’s also one of the most hardworking and talented individuals in the film industry. Black Panther (which I absolutely love and have watched three times) was NOT the first Black Superhero to be featured on the big screen. It was actually Meteor Man, created by none other than Robert Townsend. He’s also known for believing in his own project so much that he went into his own pocket and funded what would later be recognized as the cult classic, Hollywood Shuffle.

When Heal the Hood Foundation brought him to Memphis to lead a panel discussion about film, I was just excited to have the opportunity to hear him share his words of wisdom and MAYBE take a picture with him. I took notes and recorded a couple of points with the intention of going back to see what I could pull from for my own journey. But, after the event, I was hanging around the interview area with my notebook and phone in hand listening to others interview him. All of a sudden, one of the attendants told me I could go ahead and ask my questions, just be quick. Seriously!?! I get to INTERVIEW him? So, of course, I took advantage of it. I’d just applied to be a freelance writer for the TriState Defender a couple of weeks earlier. I submitted it and it got published along with another article. I’d never been a PAID freelance writer before then.

Now, to the picture and him signing my book. He was allowing photos, so I stood in line with the intention of taking a photo with him and giving him my book. But, after listening to him share his insights, I decided to ask him to sign it so I could keep it as a keepsake. He did and gave me some great advice on staying in pursuit of my passions.

All of this is personal because in addition to it being a great movie filled with lessons, it gave me and my children (specifically my oldest) an escape during some dark times in our lives. There was a period where we had no cable and watched a lot of movies. We’d reenact them as well.lol  The 5 Heartbeats was definitely one of the favorites. And, because I have been following Mr. Townsend for years, I felt a different kind of connection to the storyline and his vision for the movie. And, in all of this, I think the BIGGEST thrill was that my oldest daughter was able to attend and meet him as well. It was an amazing afternoon of bonding and learning from one of our favorite people.

You May Be Popular, But What About Impact?

You May Be Popular, But What About Impact?

I was nominated for an award last year regarding my book. However, the criteria for becoming a finalist was not based on popularity. I listened intently on Facebook Live as the event organizer shared her vision regarding the awards ceremony. She made one statement that has stayed with me from the moment I heard it. She said, you may be popular, but you may not be impacting the community. Her focus was centered around more than just writing a book. She wanted to know how the book was helping someone-anyone!

When asked, I was able to share how my book was being used to teach others how to heal, how to establish self sufficiency and self worth. My book was a transparent look into my life in a way that others could relate. I included realistic strategies and pages to be used as a journal. I did not win the award, but I was named as a finalist. I am honored by the acknowledgement. And, I ‘m even more honored to say it continues to serve as a guide for others.

The book is Restoring the Whole in My Soul, and it’s available as a paperback as well as an e-book. I’ve since gone on to co-author a second book. It’s entitled, You Need It, I Got It! It gave me the opportunity to showcase myself as a woman in business. And, I was able to incorporate my passion for personal development. The second book is only available as an e-book. They can all be purchased on the home page of my website, www.joycekyles.com. Get them for yourself or those you care about. I also have a workbook associated with my 1st book that is used for group sessions.

I am not interested in being popular, especially if it results in having a lesser impact on the audiences I desire to reach. I’ve never been part of the ‘in’ crowd. I’m not part of a sorority or social club. I have always maintained my love for writing, speaking and a boots on the ground spirit of giving and doing. If becoming popular provides me a platform to help more people and become more holistically sound, then I’ll certainly take it.

My Voice is Here to Stay

My Voice is Here to Stay

Like millions of others, I watched the 75th Annual Golden Globe Awards ceremony. The solidarity in the room was evident. Many of the attendees wore black in support of the #metoo and #timesup movement regarding sexual assault and inequality. Among the attendees were advocates who have worked tirelessly in this effort and have gone under the radar. It was wonderful to see them on the red carpet with those who have a celebrity platform, and that platform is being used to raise awareness and push for change. Sterling K. Brown’s acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Drama series pretty much summed up how I strive to be seen. And, then there’s Oprah Winfrey. How could you NOT be moved to tears, excitement and inspiration after THAT speech? I am printing out their speeches & placing them on my wall. My voice is here to stay!

I have replayed those speeches multiple times this morning and cried each time. Why? Because I’ve been planning for weeks to write what I’m about to share. Each time I would begin to write, I would stop. I think it’s because I didn’t think at this stage of my life that it wouldn’t matter. But, over the past few months, I’ve talked with other advocates and speakers near and far. I appreciate more and more that I’m not the only one who’s gone through this or may be going through it now.

I started talking about domestic violence and sexual assault more formally in 2010. I didn’t intend to do it on a regular basis. I’d just started a web design and writing business. It included a a cause inspired idea to sell t-shirts. They were created with the intention of me selling them and donating a portion of the proceeds to a particular agency. I shared my why and put together a proposal. I also met individuals who were already working in these areas and was even invited to a meeting to learn more about other women’s organizations and the possibility of membership to one in particular. I began speaking at more events, freely sharing my story and time. Here I was, telling my story and eager to work with and support any and every body I could in the hope of helping others. I thought everyone would be excited to see this humble, brave, bold survivor share her story and be willing to fight for the cause. Talk about naive.

The truth is, the agency I wanted to work didn’t want to work with me. I was told (so keep in mind that this is hearsay) that when someone brought my name up in a meeting, the director questioned who I was and why would they want to work with me. While there was interest by at least one person, the one that mattered never got on board and never responded to my direct phone calls or emails. Needless to say, I eventually gave up on the idea, and I never chose to say anything about what I heard. One, it was hearsay, and two, I got the answer I needed when I never got an answer. Months later, I would meet the deciding individual at an event and introduce myself. The response? I know who you are, shook my hand and walked away to chat with others.

And, I never received the formal application for membership. As I talked with different women in the room, it became painfully clear that I wasn’t an affluent member of society. Being in that room made me feel like a small black woman who had a good ‘survivor story’ but that was about it. But, when I made the decision to host my first domestic violence event, I was sent an email by one of those same organizers. I was told that there were already a number of DV events going on and not wanting to have any conflicts. I was asked to tell the individual more about my plans. I didn’t respond. Instead, I went forward with my plans to host the first of what would be several events.

I’ve encountered more of the same over the years. Sadly, I still have peers, and in some cases, even friends who directly or indirectly marginalize me. They don’t see the value of my voice or the sincerity and passion for which I operate. Unfortunately, there will always be those who met me when I was coming out of my victimization and that is how they will always see me. That is not my concern. They don’t dwell in the places and spaces I strive to go.  I am m not stuck in my past. I am proud of the way my past has given me strength, courage and direction.

I will keep doing the work with a smile on my face. I do it because I want to help as many people as I can to become holistically healed, self sufficient and able to speak their truth with confidence and support. I am inspired by the men and women who tell me I helped them in some way. I am forever thankful for the outpouring of love and support of those who embrace me, work with me, mentor me and share a heart to help our communities. It far outweighs the negative direct/indirect actions of a few. If I my words and actions have positively impacted others, I’m doing the right thing and for the right reasons. I came into this work with a boots on the ground mentality. My ultimate goal is to use that mentality in a way that will help to support policy regarding the intersections of domestic violence and other social justice issues. My voice isn’t going anywhere. As we enter into a new year, I’m excited about the places and spaces I plan to use my voice even more.

Resolutions vs Goal Setting

Resolutions vs Goal Setting

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2017 exceeded your expectations. It was definitely a year of peaks and valleys for me. Overall, I am grateful, thankful and appreciative of the journey. I will share more about those in a different post.

It’s officially 2018. And, many of us have been guilty of making resolutions over the years which, in many cases, end up going unfulfilled for one reason or another. I will lose 25 lbs. I will get married. I will buy a new house or car. I will exercise more. Any of these sound familiar? They all sound great. They are usually declared with good intentions. But, intentions and implementation are two totally different things. I ask you to consider NOT making any resolutions this year. Instead, consider goal setting as an alternative.

Goal setting is not the same as making a resolution. Goal setting consists of declaring an action and then, putting steps in place to ensure you meet those goals. It’s more intentional and carries more weight. There’s more of a sense of accountability and care associated with goal setting.

When setting goals, follow the KISS method-Keep It Short & Simple. Start with one or two personal or professional goals you’d like to meet. In the past, I’ve been guilty of having very lofty goals. I have grand ideas. And, while there’s nothing wrong with that, I have to be honest with myself about my ability to effectively execute them. I had to learn how to master the small steps and learn how to build a proper foundation. Practice makes perfect. By keeping my goals shorter and more realistic to my time and flexibility, I have been to master my goals MUCH better. It has given me the confidence I needed to try something else, then something else and still…something else.lol

If you’d like to gain a bit more clarity for your personal and/or professional life, check out the Work with Me section of my website. I’d love to help you develop your book or organization or help you gain clarity and confidence.