Every year around this time, I see so many people making plans for what they wish to accomplish for the new year. Some people want to lose a certain amount of weight. Some want to start an exercise program. Some want to write a book, begin speaking, start a radio show or new business.
Why wait until the new year start doing what you want and need to do now? I’ll be completely transparent in saying that I love to eat, and I’m especially partial to sweets. The holidays provide an opportunity for some of the best cakes, pies and cobblers imaginable. Macaroni and cheese, smoked turkey, dressing…I could go on and on. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat in moderation. Yet, I tell myself that it’s ok to indulge. And, there’s no need to exercise because it’s counterproductive if I’m going to just overeat anyway. I’ll just start next week. Until last week, next week had been going on for nearly 4 months.
So, what’s the REAL reason that you haven’t started exercising or written that book yet? Are you afraid? Don’t have enough discipline? Don’t know how to get started? You don’t need to make a resolution. You need to start now with the mental preparation. You need to start now with establishing discipline. You need to make your goals short, simple and realistic. Put pride aside, ask questions, study those who are already doing what you aspire to do and be willing to practice discipline and consistency. If you can’t do these things now, don’t expect much success in them happening just because the year changes.
The benefit of starting now is that it already gets you on track for the new year, so that you’re already ahead of the game. You may even find that what you were putting off for later may not even be necessary. If there are legitimate barriers that keep you from doing certain things at this time, then by all means, wait until it is feasible. But, for those situations that are within your control, take action and start now.
Sometimes, our goals are just too broad. Who wouldn’t enjoy a six figure income, great home, multiple cars, fabulous clothes, exotic vacations, a happy relationship with family, friends, husbands, wives, etc.? While having faith is important, it’s honestly just not enough. You’ve got to put in the work. But, what exactly are you working on? What does work actually look like in terms of your needs, wants and desires in your personal and professional life? Work consists of planning your work and working your plan. Be prepared to work mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Be prepared for some long, disheartening and disappointing days and nights. You will question yourself. You will question others. Set some goals for your day, week, month and year. And, yes, set some goals by the hour.
I believe that the more you micro-manage your goals by the hour, the more clarity it will provide you with what needs to be tweaked as you strive towards your longer ranged goals. In fact, if you truly practice discipline and consistency, what goals could you set for yourself in 30 minute increments? Think about it. If we can find ways to cook meals in 30 minutes or less, why can’t we find ways to plan daily activities/routines that will holistically change our lives at 30 minutes at a time? I have some great strategies on accomplishing this, and if you’re reading this and want to learn more, I’m more than happy to help you put this strategy in motion.
In terms of domestic violence, those who are being victimized tend to think broadly. They are thinking about the leaving part. Those that love them are thinking about the leaving part. Oftentimes, just leaving is too broad of a concept to grasp. Or, it may not be feasible to do so for any number of reasons from financial to safety concerns. Again, there are a number of strategies that can and should be put in place to ensure that the holistic outcome is safe, realistic and tangible. Acknowledge that you need help and support with your personal and professional aspirations and be open to the suggestions you receive. Take each day as it comes with the belief that goals serve as a blueprint to achieving holistic success.
I have often said that I enjoy being invited to any party but a pity party. I may decide to stop by and check it out for a few minutes Like and . However, I will never take off my coat or have a seat. I am not interested in making myself comfortable. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. When it’s not treating you fairly, or even if your experiences are in some way self inflicted, at what point do you stop pouting? I offer three other p’s to consider: pray, persevere and praise.
Pray: I truly believe that everyone needs to have some sort of spiritual foundation and be intentional about tapping into that foundation daily. It has truly been a saving grace for me. Read a bible, Q’uan, Daily Bread or any countless number of books from pastors or spiritual advisers from around the world. Practice daily and consistent prayer, meditation and chanting. Speak about the things that trouble you and express your needs, wants and desires. Pray for peace of mind, clarity and guided direction.
Persevere: You have to find ways to push through life’s frustrations, whatever they may be. I know that can be easier said than done, but it must be done. Focus on your why. I’ve talked about this before. Your why is the fuel that keeps you going when nothing else seems to matter. Money is a great motivator, but be specific about the money. For me, it was me verbalizing that I need money to pay my rent because I was tired of seeing eviction notices on my door every month. My children not having school uniforms or us not having transportation. My why continues to be all about stability. I don’t want to ever find myself worrying about what I’m going to eat or where I’m going to lay my head. So, I push though. I make the uncomfortable phone calls. I ask for support. I stay up late and get up early. I am consistent.
Praise: Be thankful for your experiences. I can assure you that someone wishes they had what you’re dealing with. I’ll take it a step further and say that you don’t want other people’s problems. Find ways to celebrate where you are, what you have, what you’ve done, who’s been there for you, etc. When you can find (sometimes it’s not as easy as others) the positives, it allows you to redirect your focus on what you need to do to change your situation. You’ll remember that person, place or thing that will give you just the push you need and recognize that as long as you have breath, you have life.
I had the opportunity to serve as a panelist for the Connecting the Dots to End DV Conference that took place at Abundant Grace Fellowship Church. It was hosted by the Healing Grace Counseling Services ministry of the church. I also provided the closing remarks for the program with the topic of ‘Now What’, which happens to fall in alignment with one of my signature talks. The panelists included everyone from the police department, members of the clergy, counseling and mental health services. The point of the conference was to provide information for all walks of the community, with the goal of ‘connecting the dots’ for those who may be going through abuse to see and know that options and support are available in all areas that they may encounter.
One of the biggest reasons that I was honored to participate in this event is that the focus was keeping the conversation of domestic violence going after October. That is something that’s very important to me. In a previous blog, I shared about writing an article for The Memphis Flyer entitled From Awareness to Action. In it, I shared my thoughts about the necessity of taking the information that we gain in October and using it to educate and assist victims of abuse all year long. I was also impressed with the fact that they had a special segment just for teens.
I sincerely thank Paris Ducker who asked me to take part in the conference and for everyone who embraced me and my insights.
Today, I participated in my first 5k run/walk. The 2nd Annual Share Life Awareness Walk took place at 9am this morning. It was hosted by Kamekio Lewis, who wears many hats to include author, Executive Director, Magazine Editor, wife, mother and survivor of domestic violence. It was an honor to participate in the event. And, I actually placed 2nd in the walk/run! Not bad for someone who is NOT a runner and as much as I hate to admit it, not actively engaging in exercise in the way that I should be. I learned some great lessons from the event, and I’ll be writing another blog that will be specific to lessons learned. For now, I want to just take a moment to celebrate this awesome milestone.
Far too often, people feel as though 2nd place is not good enough. Society says that almost doesn’t count, or that no one remembers who’s second-only who won. There is some degree of truth to that considering the circumstances and what’s at stake. However, when it comes to the challenges we encounter in our lives, 2nd place may just be a comfortable place to be in. Take my race today as an example. I didn’t properly exercise & I’d never participated in a 2, 3, 5k anything before today. I just had the desire to support my friends and colleagues. I made up my mind to try running at least 1/2 of the 5k. It really didn’t matter to me who else would remember how I placed in the race. It was important to me that ‘I’ finished it. It was about me. It was about my personal challenge. It was about my personal goals. Therefore, the importance of the outcome was personal, not societal.
2nd place was a first place win for me, and I’ll gladly take that recognition…and my lovely gift basket of relaxation goodies, compliments of Kamekio Lewis and Honey Pot!
