Today, I listened to our local news give a report on a 35 yr old man living in Canada who tried to lure a 13 yr old girl for sex. Over the past couple of week, I’ve listened to reports of sexual assault and the number of rape kits still untested in our city. I won’t even start on the multiple murders and abuse cases reported related to domestic violence over the past month. Housing for victims of abuse is extremely limited and the criteria, in many cases, doesn’t fit the clients that need a place to stay. Lately, those serving the community in a professional capacity are the ones being arrested. By professional, I mean police officers, attorneys and public officials. I know our city isn’t alone in much of this. But, Memphis is the city I live in, and therefore, I feel I must continue to push here and work as best as I know how to spread awareness and challenge action. I’m talking tangible action. I’m talking accountable action.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. I encourage everyone reading this to please take a look at this link for additional information about sexual assault, rape, etc: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault
I want to encourage the following:
Have a conversation with your tweens/teens about sex, good touches, bad touches and social media. If you feel you need to look through their phones and computers-DO IT! It’s not about their privacy. It’s about their safety. What they feel is harmless or meaningless is oftentimes the very things that predators are looking for. Make sure you’re spending quality time with your tweens/teens. Listen to them. What you don’t want is for them to feel they must look for love and affection from a stranger.
If you have been sexually assaulted, report it. Get counseling. Seek justice. Your voice and your feelings matter! Don’t let anyone make you believe anything different. Silence is what the perpetrator is relying on. If you’re a family member or friend, be supportive. Believe the person who’s been assaulted. Do not judge or offer your ‘what I would have done’ attitude because you really can’t say for sure what action you may have taken, and honestly, it’s not what a victim nor survivor needs to hear.
Get involved-PLEASE. See something-say something. Write letters to your local and state officials. When it’s time to vote, see where politicians stand on the issues that matter to you. Vote them in OR OUT! Volunteer your time to support groups as a peer mentor. Receive certifications from places like the local Memphis Child Advocacy Center or National Organization for Victims Assistance (NOVA).
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. All month, I have been participating in different activities in honor of the month and to help spread awareness & education. Each year, I also strive to do something new and challenging as a way of establishing my personal and professional growth. Most people that know me tend to associate me with being a survivor of domestic violence. And, while that is what I started my journey speaking about and my primary focus, I am also a survivor of sexual assault. I participated in a 5k race against sexual assault, and it was one of the best experiences I’ve have.
The race was hosted by the Memphis and Shelby County Domestic and Sexual Violence Council. There were 111 individuals who signed up, with 87 people who actually ran. Of the racers, I was #44 overall (which is actually my current age) and my race tag was #45 which is what I will be on my birthday this year. I’m quite proud of myself for pushing through the pain and for not being discouraged with seeing so many others run past me. There’s some great significance in my last sentence. I pushed through the physical and emotional pain of a toxic relationship to get to this point of holistic peace in my life. I’ve learned to run my own race, recognizing that everyone’s journey and experiences are different. Therefore, the way that one responds to how they address it will be different.
The most important two points I want to make in this short blog is one, to challenge yourselves to do something new and two, operate within your comfort zone. I was not in the best physical shape to run this race, but I showed up, competed and finished. I did it in 42 minutes. I learned a lot about my mental and physical self. I established a foundation for myself and will continue to exercise my mind, body and spirit. I will continue to grow stronger and continue to endure. This is the overall attitude that I have as I continue my journey as a speaker, trainer, author, radio show host, wife, mother and survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault.
April is recognized nationally as sexual assault awareness month, aka S.A.A.M. Throughout the month, I will be participating in a number of activities in support of the month, but it’s also quite personal for me. One of the worst experiences of my life was being sexually assaulted by someone that I loved. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that sexual assault/abuse within intimate relationships is common and often not reported, mainly because it is an intimate partner. Being in a relationship is not consent for abuse in any form. Rape is rape. Abuse is abuse. The relationship status isn’t a pass to mistreat another individual.
April 10th marks the anniversary of when I shared my experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault in a public setting. I’d talked about it to some degree with a person here and there, but I decided to go public with it at the Young Women of Excellence program for which I was a chairperson. At the time of my presentation, I wasn’t aware that April was a month of any particular meaning. I just felt that it was the perfect opportunity to share with the women in the audience about my experiences. My hope was that those mothers would hear what I had to say, think about what may be going on in their own lives or the lives of someone they knew, and have the courage to talk about it and of course, leave.
I never thought about what I’d do or how I’d feel after the event was over. But, the most amazing things have happened since I released my hurts, doubts and frustrations. I’m still telling my story. And, now, I have even more stories to share. I’ve been able to travel, teach and train. I’ve gotten remarried. I’m an author. I’ve watched my children become adults, and we have worked through many of our individual and collective hurts. We’re stronger. We’re better.
I’ve learned a lot from all of my experiences, and I’m dedicated to helping as many individuals, businesses and organizations as I possibly can to transition from awareness to action, become more educated, empowered and become holistically sound.
