I certainly hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday and weekend overall. For many of us, it was a time well spent with family and friends. It was a time to enjoy great food, fun and fellowship with those that we love. Many of us created some wonderful memories. We also reflected on those whom we may have lost over the past year. Thanksgiving is typically thought of as just that-a time of giving thanks for all things wonderful.
I certainly did a lot of that this year. All three of my grandchildren came to our home this year, and it was certainly a joy to watch them interact with one another. My daughters now have children of their own. Their children are cousins. My youngest grandchild, a girl, is almost two years old. So, she’s at an age where she understands pretty well, speaks plenty of understandable words and has more energy than most of us! I helped to deliver each of them, and it has given my heart great joy to watch them grow up. I have two granddaughters and one grandson, which is identical to my own children. However, the boy is the oldest grandchild. My son is the youngest. The funniest part of all is that we ALL say my grandson acts exactly like my son. They haven’t always spent time around each other, so where is comes from is still a bit of a mystery in a way.
But, it’s important to be thankful for the valley moments. It’s not an easy thing to do. In fact, it can be nearly impossible at times. But, it makes us stronger. It makes us more appreciative of the peaks we enjoy. The valley puts us in a position to test our faith, accept our truth and most of all, remind us that we are human. Being human means that you’re going to make some mistakes. Everything will not be perfect. You’re going to experience hurt and loss. You’re not going to be treated fairly.
I’ve definitely had my valley moments. In fact, I’m having a bit of a valley experience even as I write this blog. What I encourage you to do is to acknowledge that you’re going through the valley. Acknowledge it to yourself and then to someone you trust. Don’t stay in the valley alone or for too long. Let someone know you’re in there so they can help you get out! There’s strength in vulnerability. Be thankful that you’re able to recognize that things aren’t where you need, want and/or desire them to be. You recognize that the situation will get better and/or you have come into an acceptance about where you are and what’s to come. When you do that, there’s a whole world of situations that you can look at and say you’re thankful-the good, the bad and the challenging.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at a monthly forum called The Mental Discussion. Hosted by Mental Health Therapist Brandy Flynn, the purpose is to bring community awareness on issues related to mental health as well as the various intersections. This month, she wanted to address the intersections between mental health and domestic violence.
While I touched on several points, the most significant one I want to share in this blog is that of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. As described by the US Dept of Veteran Affairs, PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after a traumatic event such as war, assault or disaster. So often, many of us only think of PTSD as a condition exclusive to war veterans. Before I had a true understanding of PTSD, I made the same assumption. As I began to learn more about myself on the survivor’s side of abuse, I realized that there were certain images made me nervous to the point of hand tremors and even insomnia. There are certain movies I cannot watch and conversations for which I cannot participate. I used to think that something was wrong with me. I mean, after all, it’s just a movie or it’s just a conversation. I believed that I needed to just accept that and get over it.
PTSD is very real for anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience. It becomes active when a person is exposed to certain triggers. They are different for everyone. For some, it may be gunfire which reminds them of a traumatic experience in their lives. For others, it may be a particular genre of music. It’s important to let your doctor or counselor know if you think you may be suffering from PTSD. They will be able to discuss the signs and options for help.
I had the privilege of taking part in a very well put together telesummit entitled Transcend 2016: Connect, Express, Relate and Grow. It was hosted by Jennifer Tagaki of Jennifer Tagaki Co. and she was very intentional about putting together a group of women who specialized in specific areas of health, wellness and financial literacy. The result? A week long telesummit filled with great information and presented by knowledgeable, passionate and engaging women. In addition to being provided great information via telephone, each speaker provided freebies to everyone who signed up. Everyone who tuned in was able to hear and receive the tools they needed to holistically succeed.
My topic was entitled Walking Into A New Life: Overcoming Abuse. WIANL is also the name of my nonprofit organization. It is my belief that you have to have the proper mindset to do anything, so if you’re being mentally tormented, it will be very difficult to concentrate on the other aspects of your life. We must not just concern ourselves with our physical health. Time and attention must be devoted to our mental health as well. WIANL’s mission is to stop domestic violence and help stabilize victims through a series of projects, programs and initiatives that we host throughout the year. Don’t ever feel the need to be in a hurry when it comes to getting over abuse. It is a process and everyone will need to do it at their own pace. But, with the right guidance and tangible resources, it is possible to live a holistically happy and healthy life. I am honored to have been able to share my insights with those in attendance.
Every year around this time, I see so many people making plans for what they wish to accomplish for the new year. Some people want to lose a certain amount of weight. Some want to start an exercise program. Some want to write a book, begin speaking, start a radio show or new business.
Why wait until the new year start doing what you want and need to do now? I’ll be completely transparent in saying that I love to eat, and I’m especially partial to sweets. The holidays provide an opportunity for some of the best cakes, pies and cobblers imaginable. Macaroni and cheese, smoked turkey, dressing…I could go on and on. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat in moderation. Yet, I tell myself that it’s ok to indulge. And, there’s no need to exercise because it’s counterproductive if I’m going to just overeat anyway. I’ll just start next week. Until last week, next week had been going on for nearly 4 months.
So, what’s the REAL reason that you haven’t started exercising or written that book yet? Are you afraid? Don’t have enough discipline? Don’t know how to get started? You don’t need to make a resolution. You need to start now with the mental preparation. You need to start now with establishing discipline. You need to make your goals short, simple and realistic. Put pride aside, ask questions, study those who are already doing what you aspire to do and be willing to practice discipline and consistency. If you can’t do these things now, don’t expect much success in them happening just because the year changes.
The benefit of starting now is that it already gets you on track for the new year, so that you’re already ahead of the game. You may even find that what you were putting off for later may not even be necessary. If there are legitimate barriers that keep you from doing certain things at this time, then by all means, wait until it is feasible. But, for those situations that are within your control, take action and start now.
Sometimes, our goals are just too broad. Who wouldn’t enjoy a six figure income, great home, multiple cars, fabulous clothes, exotic vacations, a happy relationship with family, friends, husbands, wives, etc.? While having faith is important, it’s honestly just not enough. You’ve got to put in the work. But, what exactly are you working on? What does work actually look like in terms of your needs, wants and desires in your personal and professional life? Work consists of planning your work and working your plan. Be prepared to work mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Be prepared for some long, disheartening and disappointing days and nights. You will question yourself. You will question others. Set some goals for your day, week, month and year. And, yes, set some goals by the hour.
I believe that the more you micro-manage your goals by the hour, the more clarity it will provide you with what needs to be tweaked as you strive towards your longer ranged goals. In fact, if you truly practice discipline and consistency, what goals could you set for yourself in 30 minute increments? Think about it. If we can find ways to cook meals in 30 minutes or less, why can’t we find ways to plan daily activities/routines that will holistically change our lives at 30 minutes at a time? I have some great strategies on accomplishing this, and if you’re reading this and want to learn more, I’m more than happy to help you put this strategy in motion.
In terms of domestic violence, those who are being victimized tend to think broadly. They are thinking about the leaving part. Those that love them are thinking about the leaving part. Oftentimes, just leaving is too broad of a concept to grasp. Or, it may not be feasible to do so for any number of reasons from financial to safety concerns. Again, there are a number of strategies that can and should be put in place to ensure that the holistic outcome is safe, realistic and tangible. Acknowledge that you need help and support with your personal and professional aspirations and be open to the suggestions you receive. Take each day as it comes with the belief that goals serve as a blueprint to achieving holistic success.
