This weekend, I received the 2017 Crime Victim Advocate of the Year award. I am extremely honored and humbled to receive this award. On April 10th, I celebrated 7 years of speaking about my abuse for the 1st time in a public setting. So, to receive such an award at this stage of my life is a personal and professional joy.
My life has definitely had it’s share of peaks and valleys. It has been an honor to serve my community. When I spoke about my abuse for the first time, I didn’t plan on doing it again. At the time, I really just wanted to speak my truth in a setting I felt would help the attendees to talk with their children. The conference for which I chose to share was not a domestic violence conference. In fact, it was for teen girls to learn about topics related to careers, self esteem and etiquette. I chose to talk about domestic violence with the parents because adults who deal with the aftermath of abuse have often seen it or experienced it as a young child or teen. I felt it was important to have the parents think about having a conversation with their children about abuse. Acting out, being an introvert, suicidal thoughts, etc could be the result of an underlying problem with abuse.
From the moment I spoke about my life, I made friends that I still have today. I ran in the 5K Sexual Assault Race this weekend with one of them. I’m the Executive Director of Walking Into A New Life, Inc. I continue to speak and present locally and nationally about personal development, overcoming adversities and becoming self sufficient. I’m committed to help others to not see themselves as victims but as survivors. Victimization is a crime. I want to always be found being a voice for those who can’t or aren’t able to speak until they have the courage and opportunity to speak for themselves.
I’m excited about my latest accomplishment. I signed up to receive requests for writers on various topics through Help A Reporter Out, also known as HARO. I saw a request for blogging insights and decided to submit my information. I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email stating my insights were accepted and included in the article.
For a 2nd year, I am pleased to have been asked to join Katrina Kimble and Pearl “Hair Deva” Walker with co-hosting a Pink and Purple Awareness Day event. You ARE worth fighting for, and I’m excited about all that the event will bring. We will have some great food, vendor shopping, networking opportunities and of course, information on domestic violence as well as breast cancer. It’s absolutely free to attend, and my hope is that those who are in the Memphis, TN area make plans to attend and share this event with others. If you’re not in the area but would like more information, please let me know. I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.
Katrina Kimble is truly the brainchild behind this wonderful event. With over 20 years of health & wellness and community & faith based engagement, she’s truly an expert in her field. She is certified in several areas of health and wellness and her expertise has been embraced around the country.
Pearl “Hair Deva” Walker is a licensed natural stylist and the owner of Legacy Locks and Natural Styles, a business that has been around for over 60 years. A community activist in her own right, Pearl continues to be committed to bringing thought provoking perspectives to her salon and regularly hosts events to encourage positive dialogue on a number of social issues affecting our communities locally and nationally.
There’s a very simple and universal reason that people aren’t generally transparent about their situation, and I sum it up in one word-fear. While there may be any number of other reasons, fear, in most cases is lurking somewhere nearby. However, is the fear of transparency more about us or them?
There is a fear of judgement based on your life’s choices that have created uncomfortable consequences. People will blame you for your perceived or well documented less than stellar life’s events. There’s fear of not living up to certain expectations. You should have gone to college. You should have graduated by now. You should have more money. Why haven’t you gotten married yet? You have too many children out of wedlock. There’s a fear that your transparency will make you appear vulnerable. And, vulnerability will be perceived as a weak characteristic, rather than an admission of being human.
Now, the real significance of this particular blog is that I’m not necessarily referring to what other people’s thought process is about you. What other people think and say about us, whether true or false, does matter to us to some degree. However, I’m also referring to the fear of our own perceptions. When you’re being completely transparent, you are allowing yourself to be held under scrutiny by others. But, you’re now in a place of self reflection, and if done honestly, it can be sometimes be a difficult box to unpack. You’re now faced with the task of admission. Maybe it’s an unhealthy relationship. Maybe a friend or family member has hurt you. Maybe you’re living above your means. Maybe you’ve lied on someone. Maybe you’re struggling with health issues.
Here’s the thing. When we lie about our situations or give the appearance that all is well, we are doing ourselves and others a disservice. People are people, meaning, they will talk about you regardless to your situation, good or bad. Transparency provides a certain freedom that says you’re having a difficult time right now and need help. Or, it says that you struggled with a particular issue and you have overcome. While some may use it as a gossip piece of sorts, what you will find is that many will appreciate knowing that you’re human and that they are not alone. Trust me. Someone is going through what you’re going through; oftentimes right in your immediate circle. Your transparency may be just the thing that frees them, gives them courage and encourages them to move forward. And, in turn, you can and will receive the help that you need, forgive yourself and others, gain clarity and move forward as well.
